10.29.2013

In Another Universe


As much as I could daydream, I would…

Sometimes when I feel sad I would imagine myself sitting on a rock near the shore,
My legs crossed, elbows resting on my thighs, my hair being blown by the wind,
And my eyes fixed at the wide open space above the waters…
Oblivious to the waves crashing on the rock I am sitting on,
Carried away by the tsunami of my own thoughts to even care.
And little would the tide know that I was already submerged in my own misery,
Perhaps already drowning and begging for someone to rescue me.
                                                                 
But who would hear my cry anyway?
The voices exist only in my mind and rarely do they come out of my mouth,
Not because there are no ears willing to listen,
But because it has always been difficult for me to talk about my emotions.
Hence I’d rather write about them.
Strange, I know.
But that is how I am.
And it’s okay if you don’t understand…

Because I don’t expect anyone to be able to read my mind…

 i



10.26.2013

I Don’t Have A Heart Of Stone



My heart can never grow cold…

I believe God created me to be a highly sensitive person.
I am learning to come to terms with it as I get older.
I used to see it as a flaw, because society taught me that it is indeed a flaw.
But I have never outgrown it. It turns out I never will.
And forever it will be a part of me.

I can teach myself to be aloof, however…
To set boundaries.
To distance myself from the things that overwhelm me –
The only way I can stay sane or preserve that little amount of sanity still left within me.

So when you feel like I am drifting away,
It’s not that I hate you or have forgotten about you.

I only need time to breathe…

  i



Originally posted at http://www.bubblews.com/news/1395803-i-don039t-have-a-heart-of-stone

10.22.2013

I’ve Seen It Coming



I’ve got no response when I tried to console her

Maybe she hasn’t noticed the new message I sent in her Facebook inbox.
Maybe she has gotten busy.
Maybe there are other reasons… her own reasons...

The heartbreak came sooner than I expected.
She posted about it in her blog.
And she knows I read her blog.
“Hang in there,” I told her.
But besides that, I have no other words.
I don’t know any other way to comfort her.

I guess she doesn’t want to talk about it.
Or I guess she still needs that space to figure things out on her own.

Maybe we all do learn things better that way…

  i



Originally posted at http://www.bubblews.com/news/1380301-i039ve-seen-it-coming

10.19.2013

Sunrise



It was already 5 AM on Monday and I still couldn’t sleep…

At first I blamed it on the coffee but then I realized it was my sadness that was keeping me awake.
I tossed and turned on my bed hoping that the feeling would eventually fade away.
But it didn’t…

My soul needed nourishing… I had to pray.

I quietly recited the rosary and then stopped after meditating on the second Joyful mystery as my eyes started feeling heavy.
I knew sleep was finally coming upon me and I could continue with the rest of the mysteries in the morning.
As I closed my eyes, I started having a vision of the journey of the soul in the next life…

The whole place was bright.
Peace reigned.
And there was no longer the existence of pain.

Words floated and played in my mind…
I then wrote a poem...

My heart was free…

   i



Originally posted at http://www.bubblews.com/news/1342048-sunrise

10.16.2013

Rocks Came Tumbling Down



I saw these broken fragments of what used to be a hollow block at our backyard one afternoon.
Among those that kept the soil, which held my dad’s small plants, from falling apart.
Once a foundation and now it could not even keep itself together.
One whole now in pieces.

My dad told me that a magnitude 7.2 earthquake struck Cebu and Bohol.
I confirmed it in the news which added that the calamity left 67 people dead.
The victims – those who died and the ones left behind – their lives used to be whole.
But now they are in fragments.

How will they be able to put all the pieces back together?
How will they be able to find some parts that are missing, or perhaps gone forever?

Let us whisper a prayer for our suffering brothers and sisters,
And to thank God for keeping us and our loved ones safe…

  i



Originally posted at http://www.bubblews.com/news/1345605-rocks-came-tumbling-down

10.13.2013

Passing



“He’s gone...”

My grandpa’s brother joined our Creator yesterday.
My sister opened the door to our bedroom, her eyes red and in tears, to tell me about the news.
I was half-asleep in bed when she did and when her words sank in, which didn’t take long, I fell into stillness followed by a long moment of silence.
My eyes met the light of day peeking through the bedroom curtains yet my gaze traveled further from the sun.
And then my heart was met with peace…

“He is healed,” I muttered with a collective sigh of relief as I addressed those words to God.
For days I’ve been praying that he be freed from all of his afflictions.
He already suffered so much.
Yesterday the Divine Physician finally answered my prayer… the healing was finally granted…
Not in this life but by taking him to the afterlife.
I then whispered a prayer for the eternal repose of his soul.

And then I watched… and listened… as the rain poured down…

 i



Originally posted at http://www.bubblews.com/news/1321467-passing

10.10.2013

All Too Familiar


“Don’t worry about me… I’ll be fine…”

And she tells me that she is much wiser now.

I’ve recently flooded her Facebook message board with what I thought were friendly pieces of advice.
Her present situation appeared to me as similar to something that happened in the past…
I sensed another heartbreak coming.
And being her bestfriend I have that tendency to come to her rescue when my instinct tells me something wrong is going to happen… again.

But it seemed like she wanted to be left alone just like anybody else.

And I must have worried too much that I have forgotten that she is one grown woman who can take of herself.

For now I’ll just watch and wait…

~I

Originally posted at http://www.bubblews.com/news/1265585-all-too-familiar

10.07.2013

Heaven’s Gift


Eyes wide open, lips sealed, heart at peace…

I woke up to an unusually quiet day on Saturday.
The sun touching leaves turning bright to light,
Its warmth sending love and comfort from beyond the skies.
The gentle breeze like nature’s hymn to the heavens,
Bringing serenity to all, both living and non-living.
A day when conflict between man and man is non-existent…

The world must be in harmony once again.

I felt the silence from the inside, too.
The kind that lets one’s soul spread its wings,
And soar freely like a bird being carried by the wind.
The spirit carefree and the heart rejoicing…

The self in harmony with the self from within.

The kind of world I yearned for.
The kind of peace I asked for.

A hopeful human being’s granted prayer…

~I

Originally posted at http://www.bubblews.com/news/1272414-heaven039s-gift

10.04.2013

That Place In Time



How could I have not realized that it was you when a former med school classmate mentioned about it in Facebook?

Maybe because it’s been more than three years when our paths crossed…
Maybe because along with quitting med school is leaving everything med-school-related behind…
Both the places and the faces.

My mind sifted through its previous pages and then suddenly flashbacks came…
Yet your face remained unclear.
But my heart was finally able to recall some bits and pieces of who you were…
Of how I came to know you three years ago…

It was a brief meeting. One week of Legal Medicine under your supervision.
No, shorter than that because the next half of the week we were in Camp Crame…
As far as I can remember, there were four of us junior interns at that time.
You welcomed us warmly and you made sure that you knew and called us by our first names.
And although it was only for a short period of time,
We had a relaxing yet fruitful learning experience with you.
Who would have thought that those moments would be part of the last three years of your life?

When I logged on to Facebook on Monday morning I finally came across an old photo of you.
And then everything became clear to me.
At first I was teary-eyed. But now I am smiling…
Because you have been an inspiration to many, and that includes me.

Thank you so much and goodbye, Dr. Torres.
Maybe it was really time for you to go.

Please tell God I said hello…

~I


10.01.2013

Another Goodbye



I’ve never seen autumn but I have a clear vision of it in my head…

Soft breeze blowing parts of my hair.
Wind kissing cheeks farewell.
The profoundness of the silence in the air…

Of how the leaves dramatically fall down from the trees.
Of how these wonders of nature used to be in full bloom.
But on the next they are naked and seemingly lifeless…
And then nothing will ever be quite the same.

My own version of the season…
Imagined yet so real.

The passing of September feels that way for me.
A part of me dies with it,

But another part of me continues to live to start anew…

~I