9.28.2013

Space



The face of Jesus has remained a work in progress up until now, I realize…

The pencil must have lost its grace when it danced with my fingers.
And the paper lay there on the table like a lifeless creature.
The magic must have faded away…

I remember feeling that way three weeks ago…
Discouragement unexpectedly met me on my journey.
And the moment I sat down, picked up that pencil, and motioned my fingers to draw,
I just couldn’t.
I became disconnected…

And I knew that this heart had to go away for a while…
To focus on something else…
And to look for reasons to go back…

Hoping to find a way back…

(to be continued...)

~I

9.25.2013

Blank



For two days (Sunday and Monday) my mind was in a spin,
My heart questioning self,
“When will you have something to write about?”
And I frantically skim through sites and sites in the internet,
Hoping that it will provide me with the answers.
The online world did not fail to amuse me.
I read and was entertained by one article to the next.
And yet…
I still haven’t found what I was looking for…
Ideas remained evasive…
How could it be?

Somewhat frustrated,
I stood up from the chair facing my laptop…
The chair of confusion as I would like to call it…
Closed all tabs and then put the gadget on standby mode.
And I thought to myself,
“Since being here isn’t doing me any good at the moment,
Maybe I needed to be somewhere else.”

The rocking chair facing my room hasn’t looked quite inviting for a while.
But at that time, it did.
I sat down…
Closed my eyes…
Allowed myself to sway with the chair’s rhythmic movement…
Freeing myself from that distracting inner noise…
Getting lost…

And then soon enough, my mind began crawling into space…

~I

9.22.2013

Waltz In The Storm


There was a typhoon again and it rained hard Friday night.
The bitter skies sent a heavy downpour,
The sound deafening and swallowing all the other noise from the phase of the earth.
But even if the rain fell as if it was crushing the ground,
It was a serenade to my ears and brought tranquility to my heart.
And I slept soundly…
The raindrops humming a sweet lullaby,
The cool weather like a nursing mother’s warm embrace.

But the storms of life are different and aren’t as gentle…
They’ll wash you away like dirt and shake your world until you find yourself off balance…
Harsh.
And most of the time, inconsiderate of your previous heartaches and struggles,
Indifferent to your tears and weary soul.

And they say the rain is supposed to teach you how to dance.
But most of the time, I just couldn’t seem to follow its rhythm.
Most of the time, the rain and I just won’t sync…
I dance to a different tempo, it moves to its own beat.

In the meantime, I’ll just keep on dancing.

~I


9.19.2013

Raindrops And Thunder



Dear rain,

I have been waiting for you.
And finally, you are here in my midst.
I longed for you and you came…
You must have heard the faint cries in my heart.
The teardrops from heaven are beautiful.
How you wash the earth is sublime.

I remember when I was a little girl,
The sound of thunder terrified me.
And when the sky threatened to roar,
I immediately covered my innocent little ears.
And then I would feel safe,
Temporarily deaf from its wrath.

But things have changed…
The anger from the clouds no longer scared me.
Maybe because there really is nothing to be afraid of.
Maybe because I have grown.
Or maybe because I haven’t.
That’s possible, right?
I have aged,
But I have not really grown up.

Water from the sky,
Please continue to pour down…

You are very much welcome.

~I


9.16.2013

Words From Within



I’m starting to really enjoy writing again…

When I got back to drawing,
I thought it would be a good enough outlet for all my thoughts and emotions.
And so I wrote less frequently.

But I realized that I will always have that irreplaceable connection with words.
Writing has provided me with a unique form of escape,
The kind that no other art forms can ever give me.

The words don’t always come easily, nonetheless.
And I find writer’s block to be a constant companion,
Especially when I worry about so many things.

But the right words always come at the right time for me, it seems.
And at a time when the mind has finally found its peace,

The quiet conversation with the Spirit begins…

~I


9.15.2013

Birthday Reflections



Ten days ago felt like I was closing an old chapter of a book…
Every birthday felt that way for me.

Another year in my life has passed.
Yes, only a year.
But it seems like a lot has happened.
And when I look back at myself during the previous year,
I see a different person.
I see how much one can change in only a span of one year.
How the events that take place in our lives can shape us…
Or break us.

But well…

I can only hope that the change in me would be for the better.

Then I look back again,
And I see how truly blessed I am.
Sometimes I fail to realize that…
Because I allow myself to be blinded by my circumstances.
But God continues to bless me despite my shortcomings.
How could He be so good to me?
It’s overwhelming…

The old chapter has just been closed.
It’s time to write a new one…

Help me, God.

~I


9.12.2013

God's Love Shines Through


I saw the sun shining in the sky two weeks ago,
As if it was trying to break its rays through the rain clouds covering it.
It was beautiful…
As beautiful as a smile coming from heaven,
Just like God’s smile.

Sometimes the glistening rays of the sun do not seem visible,
Just like when there are thunderstorms.
Hurricanes.
Bad weather.
But it does not mean they are not there.
They are only hidden behind the clouds,
Because it is time for the rain to pour down.
For the thunder to make us feel its power.
For the lightning to strike the earth.

And God…
Sometimes it is as if He is so distant.
His smile…
Sometimes we think we don’t see it.
And His love…
Sometimes it seems like it cannot be felt.
But it is just there.
Always there.

God’s apparent absence when we are going through trials can be difficult to comprehend.
Where is He?
Why are all these happening?
Why me?
Out of our confusion and doubts, we ask so many questions.
But do we really need to know the answers at that exact same moment?

The answers…
Sometimes they’ll come at a later time.
Sometimes they might not come at all.
Maybe because we do not really need to know everything.
The human intellect can only handle so much.
But it would not be able to handle it all.

Or perhaps sometimes, the answers do come,
But we fail to notice them.
Because our human understanding has its limits.
Too limited to fully comprehend the plans of the Almighty.
So I suppose we don’t really have a need to understand everything,
Because in our limitations is where God’s place in our lives comes in.

The sun’s smile…
And God’s love…

Sometimes those are all the answers we need.

~I